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Post by erics on Oct 16, 2007 15:57:49 GMT -5
Hello,
My wife called me this morning and asked if we could adopt a 2 year old little girl. Her (the little girl) parents have drug problems and are going to jail. Her grandma wants her, but can't take care of her. This little girl is a niece of a friend of my wifes. Our kids are 15, 10, and 8 right now. I know nothing really of adoption, and am interested if you have any thoughts/concerns/comments/ or ideas on the matter. I figured I'd get as much input as I can.
Thanks,
erics
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Post by jude on Oct 16, 2007 19:04:33 GMT -5
Why can't her grandmother take care of her? I've always felt it was good to keep a kid with family, if possible. What about the friend who is the aunt (or uncle?). There is usually much less red tape if a relative takes responsibility, too.
Decisions should get made quickly, because once the kid ends up in the "justice" system, it's going to be hell getting her out.
Jude
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Post by erics on Oct 17, 2007 8:23:21 GMT -5
I'm guessing the grandmother is too old/frail. The friend's husband said no already.
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Post by jude on Oct 17, 2007 8:39:37 GMT -5
Well, if the grandmother wants her, maybe you could arrange visits if you adopt her, so at least she will know her grandmother and get to hear family stories/history.
The friend's husband sounds like a jerk. He married into her family, and so has responsibilities. How would he like it if he needed to take care of someone in his family, and she said no?
Jude
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Post by jude on Oct 22, 2007 9:27:21 GMT -5
Erics, so what did you all decide to do?
Jude
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Post by erics on Oct 22, 2007 15:14:28 GMT -5
We're still waiting on information.
It turns out the little girl is a more distant relation, not a neice. Not sure what the exact line up is. She's in Minnesota. Other than that we've not heard anything new yet. I'm not entirely sure how to go about adopting as far as what's required and the cost. I'm also not sure yet if I want to deal with a toddler again.
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Post by water_moon on Oct 23, 2007 18:30:17 GMT -5
One of the ladies on the HOA board with me had her twin 18 month old grand-daughters for a while, but she just couldn't handle it. Grandma's have alreayd paid their dues, it's not really fair to expect them to pick up the slack, though it is nice when they can (my hubby was adopted by his grandparents and dispite not knowing his biological dad, he turned out better than his half sister who was raised by his mother & step father.)
That said, we had been taking a look at adoption and it is expensive, but in some cases (including children who are with CPS) you can get a sitpend from the gov. to help ally care costs. Now it'll take a while, and she may very well be poorly adjusted. If possible I would see if you could meet with the child and her care workers.
My Aunt and Uncle took in foster babies when I was younger and they found it very rewarding, despite the work. But when a baby is going through withdrawl symptoms, they get horrible stomach cramps that make colic look tame. If drugs were smoked around her she's going to have them in her system. She may have gotten them without any one knowing. Keep in mind also, she may also have life long problems associated with her mother using drugs, including but not limited too:
physical and mental hadicaps
behavorial problems (impulse control, memory, attention span)
allergies
ashma
vision problems
digestive problems (meth damages the fetal intestine if taken durning pregnacy)
heart murmers
stunted growth
With all this in mind I can't say I blame the husband of the friend. He's showing a far great level of responsibility to say he doens't feel he can properly care for the child than her parents did when they concieved her.
I think it would be a great thing for this little girl to be welcomed into your home, but do so only if you feel willing to not only care for a toddler, but caring for one who may require 10 times the work as a child not exposed to those conditions.
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Post by water_moon on Oct 23, 2007 18:33:33 GMT -5
it should be noted all those problems can occur with legal drugs such as booze, smoking, and OTC medicines. Illegal drugs have even greater risks.
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Post by jude on Oct 24, 2007 6:01:26 GMT -5
In my large extended family, we were always raised to look out for each other, and help out when we can, so that's why it's inconceivable to me to let an orphan (or someone like the baby in this situation) not be taken in by some family member(s). I don't even like kids (or people) in general, but understood and accepted from early adulthood, that if something happened to my brother and his wife I would take in my nephews. My Mom took in my cousin's daughter for a few months until she could get settled after a divorce, and also took in my grandmother when she got old and needed help. We were also sending food , vitamins, toys, and clothing to my (never met) family in Poland for a few years when it was really bad there. It's not even a matter of adoption, it's a matter of blood.
Old-fashioned attitudes, I guess, but my partner understands and talked with me about it before I ever brought it up. She's being a great help taking care of (and especially transporting) my Mom since my Mom was diagnosed with breast cancer (the surgery looks like it got it all, but she still has radiation treatments and tests and doctor visits).
That's why the husband's attitude seems so odd to me. Especially since the grandmother is willing to help out.
Jude
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